Happy New Year

Some of my goals for 2012.

Go somewhere I haven't been too.
Be consistent in my workouts.
Run a 5k.
Be faithful to eating paleo.
Create more memories with those close to me.
To grow in my relationship with God.

I'm not for resolutions that aren't kept, but I do think the new year is great time for new beginnings and fresh starts, and putting the past behind you. Wishing all my family and friends a happy new year. I hope your new beginning and fresh start happens. It starts with you.

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stronger

Before





After 1 Year





It is amazing the difference a year and some hard work can make. One year ago I was struggling with depression. I was in a pit, and I had decorated it. I needed sometime to focus on me so that I could be better for my family. I had lost myself in what I thought was a mess. A friend of mine was posting on her Facebook about this "Bootcamp" that she was going too. I was curious. I checked out the website and asked her about it, and she had nothing but great things to say about it. I didn't even think, I signed up for 6 months. If I would have thought about it, I probably would have talked myself out of it. I had no idea at all what was about to happen to me. To be honest, I didn't even believe in myself that I would stick with it. You see I had never stuck to any diet or excersice plan before. When i signed up, I had about 3 weeks before the next phase started. We went on a family vacation, and the whole time I was self-conscious about how I looked, and in all the pictures I was so hard on myself about how I looked. I hated that I was focusing on that instead of having a fun time with my family.



At orientation I weighed in at 200.5 lbs. That was a high for me. I was unhealthy, and unhappy. The first day of boot camp I was so scared. I will never forget. Me and about 30 other women stood in a circle outside and had to do squats, and pushups among other things. One person in the circle would do a squat and hold it in the squat position until it went all the way around the cirle and back at them, then you did another squat, we did the same with other exercises, and that was just the warm up. My goal was to not die that day. During the workout (which was in an open gym with no AC in the beginning of September. It was HOT.) I remember telling myself to make it through the hour and I’d never have to come back, I would quit even though I still had to pay for 6 months. This amazing thing happened, I survived. I had to keep myself from throwing up all the way home and when I walked in the house I fell to the ground. I never wanted to do that again. But the next morning I woke up wanting to-do it again. You might think I am crazy. But I had a huge sense of accomplishment. The next week was tough as I started on a new diet. Food seemed to be all I could think about all day every day that week. I wondered how I was going to be able to do it, if it was going to be that hard. Sure it was hard, but I did it. Each step along the way I have learned that when there was something I didn’t think I could do, I did it. Talk about motivating. My goal went from not dying, to holding a plank position, to being able to do a pushup, to being able to do an exploding pushup. I went from weighing 200.5 lbs. and not wanting to tell anyone, ever; to weighing 164 lbs. and not being afraid to tell you my weight. I was able to wear a belt I hadn't been able to wear in a while and now I am on the 4th hole in my belt. I went from a size 16 to a size 10. I went on vacation this year and didn't focus on the fact that technically I am still over weight, but that fact that we had a great time and I felt great. I ran 2 miles with my husband and kicked butt doing it. I went from using the 8 lb. weights at boot camp to the keg! You see I went from no physical activity to what I just mentioned. I remember before bootcamp going for a run/walk in my neighborhood with my husband and going home feeling defeating because I couldn't do it.



I have developed a new lifestyle. I have learned that I can go on vacation and come back and keep going. I can fall off the wagon by giving into that cookie, but it doesn't mean I failed, I just get back on track. I had to stop looking at everything I was doing wrong and look at everything I was doing right. I always heard that a better diet and exercise will do wonders for your mood. I never believed it, until I experienced it myself. I didn’t need an anti-depressant; I needed to eat right and exercise. I physically feel better than I have in a long time. I have more energy. I can walk out to my car after work and not feel out of breath. I can make it threw a tough workout and be able to say “I did it!”



If you have or are stuggeling with something, keep pushing forward. Dont be afraid to take that step, don't look back, and don't even think about quiting, failure is not an option. I am sure some of my friends and family got tired of hearing about bootcamp, but it wasn't a phase, this lifestyle is a part of me. I had to pass on dinner with friends or tell my kids we would see the movie the next night because I had bootcamp. I made a commitment, and I wanted to put it first. Sure there were times I missed bootcamp so I could attend something my kids had or a special event, but I wanted to make this a priority. If you want it bad enough you need to make it a priority. I did make sacrifices, but it has been so worth it.



If you would have told me a year ago that it would have taking me a year to lose 36 lbs., back then I probably would have said that isn’t enough. Now, I am like, man that wasn’t bad, what’s next. I am so glad I didn’t make more excuses to keep putting it off. If I had, I wouldn’t have made as much progress as I have. I have had to work hard to get this far, which makes it easier to pass on that cookie and get the fruit instead. I didn't work that hard to eat the cookie, and stay the way I was. Since starting boot camp I have learned I am stronger physically and mentally than I thought I was. I learned I can do more than I thought I was capable of, and I can make it through when I didn’t see a way. What I have gained this past year can’t be explained in words. I love it! I can’t wait to see what the next year holds.

Hurricane Hugo

With all this talk of Hurricane Irene it reminds me of Hurricane Hugo. Hugo was a catagory 5 hurricane that hit Charelston, SC head on in Sept 1989. I was 9 years old and I will never forget. We settled into our hallway for the night to ride out the storm. When we woke the next morning we weren't prepared for what we were about to see. The next two weeks were a struggle as we had to deal with no running water, electricity, low fuel supply, and food supply. We had very minor damages to our house, we lost all of our trees as they broke like toothpicks in the storm. Here are some pics.

God don't make mistakes

Listened to a song today that reminded me how blessed I am to have amazing sons. Adam and I had little Adam while we were in high school and a lot of people didn't think we could do it. He has become an amazing young man and I don't know what I'd do without my boys.

Jamie O'Neil
God Doesn't Make Mistakes
Lyrics to song

Everybody said you gotta give it up You can't keep that child, It's just too tough at seventeen, You're just a baby Well she cried and she prayed, made up her mind Said this beautiful life that's growin inside needs a chance to have a hand in God's plan Everyone told her they'd never get by, well he just turned sixteen Made it straight to the top of his class, the captain of the football team

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first stab at couponing

So this week I started organizing my coupons instead of cutting them and sticking them in an envelope, then forgetting about them altogether.

Today I scanned over the walgreens and CVS ads to look for good deals that I had coupons for on things we use. Thats the key, things we use.

At Walgreens I needed Easter candy for the kids baskets. They had bags of Mars candy on sale 2 for $5. Then they had egg filled M&M's and snickers for $.75
Here is my breakdown.
Bag of Dove eggs. 3.99
Bag of Snickers 3.99
on sale for 2 for $5
$1 walgreens coupon
$2 off 2 bags manufacturer coupon
$2.00 is what I actually paid.

4 candy filled eggs 1.29 each = $5.16
on sale for $.75 each = $3
I had 2 $1.00 off 2 coupons
$1.00 is what I actually paid.

Total is $3.48 at walgreens.

then to CVS....
1- All laundry detergent on sale for 3.99
3-Kelloggs cereal on sale for $1.66
2-Colgate total toothpaste Buy one get one free. 2.99
2-Hydro 5 razor blade refill buy one get one free. 12.49.

With coupons I paid $14.91. I was pretty happy.

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Alex says......

If you are offended by the discussion of bodily functions, don't read below.

Adam: do you know when you fart you gain weight?

Big Adam: How do you know that?

Adam: because I weighed myself at 115.3, then farted and I weighed in at 115.9.

Alex: man, how big was the fart.

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After the Storm

So the later part of 2010 I started a journey that will take me to a healthier happier me.

2010 was a tough year. It started out great. I was enjoying life with my family, had many friends near and dear to me. I was apart of a church that I believed in, and put all my extra time into. I was apart of a ministry that I was very passionate about. I had developed a relationship with God that I loved, depended on.

In the spring my world was rocked. I learned that some people very close to me had messed up big time. This would affect a lot of people. In a matter of one week my church was shut down, my pastor removed, and the church moved back to our old location and temporarily under the leadership of an interim pastor. My family was hurt by some people very close to us, I lost friends, and my church was torn apart with people scattered, I walked away from ministry, and little did I know at the time, but I walked away from my relationship with God as well.

For the past 7 months I have been going thru the grieving process. Grieving over the Church I loved, friendships I lost, I felt like I lost my purpose, and trust in man. I am still going threw the grieving process.

I went threw shock and denial. It all didn’t seem real; I was speechless, full of so much emotion and felt like it was going to explode.

Next came pain and guilt. I was so hurt by friends, mentors, and people who were supposed to guild you threw hard times but weren’t there. I wondered if there was something I could have done, looked at how I may have contributed to the issues at hand. I feel guilty for walking away from ministry; I let people down who counted on me. For that I am truly sorry.

Then came anger, this came on and off for a while. I went from anger, to doubting if I had a right to be angry, to thinking isn’t it time for the anger to end, to being angry again. I said goodbye to my closest friend, which was the hardest decision in all of this. Some may say this was a move of weakness on my part, or of being judgmental, but I had to do it for me.

Right now I am somewhere between Depression/Reflection/Loneliness and The Upward Turn. During this time I realized the true magnitude of what had happened. At times a memory of how things use to be or the hurt I felt will make me just start crying out of the blue. There are times I feel alone, I isolate my self on purpose. I have a wonderful family who I wouldn’t trade for anything, but there is something special about a friend. I spend a lot of time reflecting, trying to see what God wants me to learn threw all of this. Before everything happened this past Spring I felt a shaking in my spirit. Something wasn’t right. I couldn’t figure out what it was, but I knew it would involve my family, friends and my church. I didn’t feel secure in these things. I look back now and know that this was God showing me something was about to happen. I have learned that next time I will know it is God. Sometimes I feel like I lost myself in all of this, then I learn something new about myself, and see that in all of this I am finding myself. Not what others think of me, or based on a person for I am not defined by man, but God. That’s when I feel the upward turn. I used to think of myself as weak, but I now see how strong I am. I now value the time I have with my family, because when everyone else turns away, they will always be there. I am putting my family first. I have learned that ultimately I am responsible for my actions; I can’t blame how I react on others actions. I am learning to have a relationship with God that doesn’t end when the church does. I am learning to trust again. I am taking care of myself and doing things for me, which are just making me a better me for those I love.

So I told you I started a journey that will make me a healthier happier me. In September I started going to Boot camp and eating healthy. It is physically the hardest thing I have ever done. I have never been a very active person. I have struggled with my weight and self-esteeme for all of my adult life. So I finally decided to do something about it. The very first day I told myself I couldn’t do it, it was too hard. But I kept going, and I got stronger, and I love it. I love how I feel. I have lost 20 lbs, and gained a new confidence. I am not were I want to be yet, but I know I can get there. It feels great to-do something for me. Threw this will come the final two phases of the grieving process, or I like to call it the healing process, Reconstruction and Working Through then Acceptance and Hope.

I know this is very personal, but it is away for me to express myself. I haven’t said much these past 7 months. I hope at least one person can be helped by my words.